I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
