I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
