Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
