mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
