Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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