He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
