Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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