Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize