It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
