I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
