i jhust puked up my retainher.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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