why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
