Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize