Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
