He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
