do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
