I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
