hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
