hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
