You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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