my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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