How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
