Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
