Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
