Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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