one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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