After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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