Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
