Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
