1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
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