You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
