Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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