I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
