if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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