This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
