I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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