hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
