she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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