this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
