whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
