His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize