Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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