dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
