I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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