Im at strip club and am horny
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
