I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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