Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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