I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
