he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
