They should really pass out barf bags in church
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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