i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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