Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
