Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
