Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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