I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
