even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
