everyone is single if you try hard enough
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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