I have demons in me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
