For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
