Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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