my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
