So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize