the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
