remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
