Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
