Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
