Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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