Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
