Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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