3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
