you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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