what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Sober January is a disaster.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
