I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
