He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
