RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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