Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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